Tuesday, 20 September 2016

Beetle, the classic build-a-beetle game...

I hate to admit I own this game, but really it belongs to the kids, so I will hopefully be judged less harshly in the end-times due to the crime. Published by Hasbro, during that dark period it was manufacturing torture devices for the Spanish-Inquisition, Beetle is also known by a range of other names, which I refuse to look up.

Is this the worst game ever you ask? Yes. Yes it is.

This is objectively the worst game in the history of games. Spin the spinner and whoever manages to get all the beetle parts (body first ) before someone at the table pretends to get a water and poisons themselves, sets the building on fire or dies of malnutrition is declared the winner.

478,942 Spins later and I still don't have a Beetle body.

It is an exercise in patience, as players outwardly participate in the endless game play while secretly plotting to hide or destroy the game so it may never hit the table again. It is mathematically possible to play this game until the heat-death of the universe, with no-one managing to score a victory. I like to pretend there's an apocalyptic meteor strike part way into this game, flip the table and kick pieces under the fridge until the kids agree we can't continue.

Victory in my group is managing to pull a bait-and-switch on any child suggesting we should play this game, if this isn't successful, we all lose.

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